Win or Lose

Today I’m feeling very discouraged.  I sweep the floors and minutes later dust has blown back in.  I make one meal and feed the kids, clean it all up and set the dishes out to dry only to find someone digging in the cabinet for a snack.  I’m tired of mosquito bites.  I’m tired of my feet being constantly dirty.  I’m tired of the smell on the streets here.  I’ve had it with bumping up and down the potholed streets.  I’m so frustrated with internet pages that download one....

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On top of all that, the wiring that connects our house to the generator is a crazy, dirty, falling-apart mess, and today, there is no power.  The generator was on, but the power wasn’t getting through the mangled wires.  I was tired of its constant roar, so I turned it off and now I’m sitting here while the little one is napping, typing this up and hoping that I’ll have a chance later to copy and paste it into my blog for you all to read.  The refrigerator is quickly warming and I’m hoping all of the food in there isn’t spoiling...

I’m not sure I can stand another hour alone with my 2-year-old today, either.  Sure, she’s adorable, but one of her current favorite habits is “gargling” her water and then spitting it out.  It dribbles all over the tile floor and if I don’t happen to catch her in the act of this delightful behavior, I will inevitably step into the pool on the floor, and then my dirty feet leave black footprints on the freshly swept beige tile.  She also enjoys pulling DVDs off the shelf in the family room and not only popping the disks out of the cases, but also pulling the paper title covers out from under the plastic and whisking them about on the floor.  She’s a three-foot tall tornado with pig tails and I’ll admit that I daydream about tying her to a chair a couple times a week.

I don’t really get any “me” time here in Haiti.  I can’t go for a walk by myself.  I can’t go for a run.  I can’t hit the gym for a workout after putting the kids to bed.  No bike rides.  No visits to the park.  No zoos.  No museums.  No playdates with other mommies and kids.  No lunch with a girlfriend just to catch up.  No pumpkin patch this year.  No fresh apple cider.  No hayrack ride.  No jack-o-lantern.   

I know I’m complaining. I’m sorry.  It’s one of those days.

We all have ‘em, wherever we are.  And I’m wondering if one of the biggest challenges we all face is to praise God through them...

In chapel at school last Friday, the high school students watched a few clips from the movie “Facing the Giants.”  Have you seen it?  It’s about a high school football coach and his team and the transformation they all make together.  In one clip, the coach was talking to his team and he said, “We win, we praise God.  We lose, we praise God.”

Oh, but that is hard to do.

It’s so easy to be happy when we win.  Easy to be thankful. Easy to treat others with kindness. Easy to be patient with small children.

But on the days we lose, it is so difficult to be happy, thankful, kind and patient.  Instead, it’s easy to be grumpy...to think about all the things you DON’T have....to snap at others...to lose your temper.

So, I concede to lose today.  But, I won’t give in to my own bad behavior.  I’ll take deep breaths.  Look for the blessings.  Call on scripture in my head.  I’ll pray.  And tomorrow will be a new day.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens.  This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.” (The Message)