Monday, October 1, 2012

Win or Lose

Today I’m feeling very discouraged.  I sweep the floors and minutes later dust has blown back in.  I make one meal and feed the kids, clean it all up and set the dishes out to dry only to find someone digging in the cabinet for a snack.  I’m tired of mosquito bites.  I’m tired of my feet being constantly dirty.  I’m tired of the smell on the streets here.  I’ve had it with bumping up and down the potholed streets.  I’m so frustrated with internet pages that download one....





On top of all that, the wiring that connects our house to the generator is a crazy, dirty, falling-apart mess, and today, there is no power.  The generator was on, but the power wasn’t getting through the mangled wires.  I was tired of its constant roar, so I turned it off and now I’m sitting here while the little one is napping, typing this up and hoping that I’ll have a chance later to copy and paste it into my blog for you all to read.  The refrigerator is quickly warming and I’m hoping all of the food in there isn’t spoiling...

I’m not sure I can stand another hour alone with my 2-year-old today, either.  Sure, she’s adorable, but one of her current favorite habits is “gargling” her water and then spitting it out.  It dribbles all over the tile floor and if I don’t happen to catch her in the act of this delightful behavior, I will inevitably step into the pool on the floor, and then my dirty feet leave black footprints on the freshly swept beige tile.  She also enjoys pulling DVDs off the shelf in the family room and not only popping the disks out of the cases, but also pulling the paper title covers out from under the plastic and whisking them about on the floor.  She’s a three-foot tall tornado with pig tails and I’ll admit that I daydream about tying her to a chair a couple times a week.

I don’t really get any “me” time here in Haiti.  I can’t go for a walk by myself.  I can’t go for a run.  I can’t hit the gym for a workout after putting the kids to bed.  No bike rides.  No visits to the park.  No zoos.  No museums.  No playdates with other mommies and kids.  No lunch with a girlfriend just to catch up.  No pumpkin patch this year.  No fresh apple cider.  No hayrack ride.  No jack-o-lantern.   

I know I’m complaining. I’m sorry.  It’s one of those days.

We all have ‘em, wherever we are.  And I’m wondering if one of the biggest challenges we all face is to praise God through them...

In chapel at school last Friday, the high school students watched a few clips from the movie “Facing the Giants.”  Have you seen it?  It’s about a high school football coach and his team and the transformation they all make together.  In one clip, the coach was talking to his team and he said, “We win, we praise God.  We lose, we praise God.”

Oh, but that is hard to do.

It’s so easy to be happy when we win.  Easy to be thankful. Easy to treat others with kindness. Easy to be patient with small children.

But on the days we lose, it is so difficult to be happy, thankful, kind and patient.  Instead, it’s easy to be think about all the things you DON’T snap at lose your temper.

So, I concede to lose today.  But, I won’t give in to my own bad behavior.  I’ll take deep breaths.  Look for the blessings.  Call on scripture in my head.  I’ll pray.  And tomorrow will be a new day.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens.  This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.” (The Message)


  1. Amen! Thank you for your honesty! Thank you for pouring yourself out and I pray that you are being filled up with the Spirit even now! Love you so much! Praying for little victories today!

  2. Ugh! That all stinks. I echo Nicole! Praying for you!!

  3. Museums....that could be a good topic of investigation for your students...their purpose, types, locations, features, etc. You could tell them about your favorite museums. Then, maybe they could use their imaginations to plan/design a possible museum for Cap Haitian.

  4. One week from tomorrow I will be arriving in the Cap...and I am going to be bringing something very special for you...BABYSITTING SERVICES!!!!! It sounds like you deserve a day at "anywhere but here" You name the time and Jason and I will watch the kids so you can have that "ME" time! You deserve it. And depending on if you are sick of Mark you, and only you, can decide whether you want him to go along with you!!! I can't wait to be with you all for a week and help in any way that I can....hang in and lots of love and gifts from America are on their way!!!!!! Love you guys!

    Adam Provance

  5. Its the steps that count right? It is about laughing rather than crying, its about seeking Him instead of letting it fester, its about keeping your eye on the prize and not faltering. I am lifting you all up tonight. Although I am not looking forward to Adam leaving, there is a part of me that is eager for him to go. I wish I could come too! I want to take you on that lunch date even if its in the back yard. I want to give you a break with the kids. I want to tell each of you in person how proud I am of you and this journey. This too shall pass, but what ou are doing... The bigger picture... That will be etched in Eternity. XOXO

    Bre Provance


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